There are many times in my life when I experienced difficulty. When I was a child, I was sexually molested by my cousin. I thought that it was just an ordinary thing, but now I realized that it really affected my life.
We were 4 in the family, my parents, my brother, and me. When I was 18 years old, my brother died by an accident. I was so shocked and I had so much pain inside me. And I said to myself, I would have rather died in exchange for my brother. And that I believed that was also how my mother felt. My brother is a very good person, and we’re very opposite in terms of personality. He is now in heaven with our Almighty God. I never knew about God fully then, but I continued my journey.
Then I met a girl who has the same character as my brother. I thought she was the girl of my dreams, she was very nice, sweet, and beautiful. But after six months, we ended our relationship because she left for Germany to work and live there.
As the years went by, I was held bondage to sexual desires, masturbation and watching pornographic movies. For many years I was a sex addict and I never knew that this thing was related to my childhood.
Then after five years of not having a relationship, I met this girl who was half-Muslim. I knew that my father will not agree to this, but I continued having an affair with her and it was terrible as hell because we could not be together on our dates because I’m afraid that all of my relatives will know about it. And if they found out about it I would be in bad situation. My life was terrible. When my parents found out, I could not describe my feeling, I felt so much pain and I cried. I knew they would bring those bad memories with them until they die.
Dad punched me in the face and dragged me to an altar where he told me to kneel in front of Jesus Christ until I accept Jesus Christ as our Savior. I blame myself for all of this. After that I cried to God that I would repent all my sins since birth.
So now, He is still creating me in a new life with love. For the past months I have been serving in the Light of Jesus Community, CDO. There are a lot of trials that come into our life, but he gives us the authority to choose what will be our destiny. He is the carpenter to give us hope for a better future ahead of us. God is our destiny.
I was sitting on the seashore when I saw a man walk towards the sea. He took some fish from a plastic bag and removed their scales with a knife. He cleaned them in the water, cut their flesh and put them back in the bag. The dead fish, after being cooked, would nourish and satisfy him.
I got this word of God, Matthew 1:17. “All those listed above include 14 generations from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the Babylonian exile, and fourteen from the Babylonian exile to the Messiah.”
Like dead fish, the genealogy of Jesus was filled with dead spirits because of their sins. Most of them were disobedient human beings who offended God. But in spite of this, Jesus was born from their race. The hope for salvation came from them.
I am a sinner. I too, die spiritually because of my sins. But with my repentant heart and God’s forgiving love, He cleanses me and gives me new hope and salvation. He renews my spirit and nourishes me.
In my spiritual death, He teaches me life lessons so that I may become wiser and walk closer to Him. Like a dead fish, there is still hope for me. In spite of my sinful past, I can still give satisfaction and be used to nourish others as long as I put my hope in Jesus.
Contributed by:
Hester Roa,
Light of Jesus Community
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